between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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