yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
