i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
