I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
