dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
