I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
