If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
