I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My bed smells like the plague
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
