Your dad touched me again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
