My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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