bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
