I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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