They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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