They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
