why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
