BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize