K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
