DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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