hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
