Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
