I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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