why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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