Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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