do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
