I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
