Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
