I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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