She's JV to your varsity
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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