you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
