I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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