If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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