It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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