its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
