i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
