Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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