is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
