yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
