Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
