I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
