when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
