My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
