youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
