peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
