Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
