piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
