hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
