they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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