My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
