I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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