just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
