But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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