do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize