I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
