i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
