the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize