I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
