...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
