I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
