Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
someone threw a dead crab at me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
