Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
