we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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