currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
