did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
