I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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