Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think people are normalizing furries
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
